


Mad Girl's Love Song

by Moonandhersun



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 12:23:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonandhersun/pseuds/Moonandhersun
Summary: Inspired by Sylvia Plath's "Mad girl's love song" - an introspection into Dany's mindset in episodes 4 and 6.





	Mad Girl's Love Song

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd and spur of the moment writing to try and process what the terrible writing couldn't portray. A little dark and bleak. Much like the actual ending of the show itself. Should have been studying for exams. Welp

 

>     
> 
> _I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;_
> 
> _I lift my lids and all is born again._
> 
> _(I think I made you up inside my head.)_
> 
> _The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,_
> 
> _And arbitrary blackness gallops in:_
> 
> _I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead._
> 
> _I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed_
> 
> _And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane._
> 
> _(I think I made you up inside my head.)_
> 
> _God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:_
> 
> _Exit seraphim and Satan's men:_
> 
> _I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead._
> 
> _I fancied you'd return the way you said,_
> 
> _But I grow old and I forget your name._
> 
> _(I think I made you up inside my head.)_
> 
> _I should have loved a thunderbird instead;_
> 
> _At least when spring comes they roar back again._
> 
> _I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.(I think I made you up inside my head.)"_

 

For days, she has been surrounded by a darkness that doesn't ebb, at first she thinks that's its the walls of the dragonstone castle, threatening to close themselves around her. She feels trapped and suffocated, unsure if it's the place or the people. Her advisors come to inquire about her health and well-being, she does not pay heed to it. A little girl brings her food to eat every few hours, she does not indulge in the carefully prepared delicacies.

She wonders if the time she spent in exile with Viserys when they had little to eat was perhaps a time better than this. She had someone to share a morsel with, even if he was who he was.

The silence is deafening, she no longer hears the chirp of the birds or the sound of the ocean waves beating on the sand that she had loved, upon landing at Dragonstone.

"Your grace", Tyrion's solemn voice interrupts her solitude, if she can call it that. He informs her of a betrayal amongst her people and she knows almost instantly that Jon had shared his parentage with his sisters--cousins, she corrects herself. It comes as no surprise that Lord Varys is actively committing acts of treason against her. She wouldn't expect much from the man who is called the 'spider'.

It is much later, she had executed Lord Varys for his crimes, which include his attempts to poison her as she later finds out. She doesn't feel much remorse, he had made such attempts previously too, when she was much less powerful and much less learnt about the ways of the people. She had been shaped by her journey and the people that had chose to support her and follow her when she had no one and nothing. Ser Jorah, Ser Barristan, Missandei--sweet Missandei who had vowed to follow her Queen no matter the cost.

All of the ripped from her, the only people that had been akin to the family she never had. Her sons, named after her brothers, who were also taken from her. If she believed in Gods she would ask them about the injustice she had suffered for all the justice that she had sought to return to the realm; but Targaryens like their dragons neither listened to Gods nor men.

Targaryens, she thinks. For years, she believed she was the last living Targaryen and had burdened herself with the responsibility of ensuring that the name of her family and her ancestors was not lost. She had perserved and suffered for her goal, only for the fruits of it to be snatched from her when she was so close. For what? An heir that did not want the throne? The Gods were truly unjust to her

After Greyworm leaves her in the presence of said heir, she stares upon his face to find trepidation and fear. She doesn't understand the reason, he confesses his love towards her and offers her loyalty to her cause. This not the loyalty and devotion she had hoped from him. No that was perhaps different in nature, unconditional.

She hopes and prays and wishes for a second, that it is perhaps the loyalty she seeks, only for it to remain unreciprocated. His eyes remain distant, his hands tied back, his posture is maintained in formality. Loyalty because of duty and perhaps fear she answers herself.

             

_**When she has won it all** _

She is elated. She finally has it all. The iron throne, her family's dignity restored and for a second she thanks the Gods she doesn't believe in. Her efforts and the sacrifices of her people, her advisors and sons, not in vain. She wonders if all of them are proud of her at this point, if Viserys would be proud of her. Perhaps he would. In ther azed throne room of the Red Keep, she finds herself reveling in all that is now hers. That had been stolen and taken from her, all for nothing. For her brother had committed no sin, merely fallen in love with a girl from the North.

The thoughts of her family are disrupted with the realization that she is alone, without any family to truly celebrate this joyous occasion with her. Eventually she finds Jon entering the throne room, she is still upset with, however in this moment she wishes for nothing but another soul to share her joy with. He is her family and he could be more than, if he accepts what she is going to propose.

She finally finds herself in his arms and despite the argument they seem to be having about the non-issue of her burning down king's landing, she feels comfort and a sense of belonging. Unsure if it stems from him being her kin or because of the feelings she harbors for him. Just as lips melt into one another, all her thoughts disappear, all she feels is the sensations he invokes in her - the joy of belonging to someone, somewhere.

A sharp pain erupts from her midsection, before she can make sense of what is happening. Her breathing labors and all she can focus on is how Jon's face blurs in her vision, crumpling with angst perhaps or was it satisfaction for a job well accomplished. She can no longer tell.

She can no longer tell if his caresses down her arm, one lazy morning in a boat were real or was it her imagination. The song of a mad girl. One that had hoped for love, comfort and home. Finding it in the arms of the man she had least expected. The darkness seeps in eventually.

Her last conscious thought remains to be of the man who was her undoing. 

She chides herself, it was real, his love, his loyalty, it was unconditional. She dreams of a spring when she falls asleep, she knows she will wake up in the arms of the man she loves, surrounded by warm silk sheets and the nearby croons of a young child with raven hair and indigo eyes, in a small cottage with a red door surrounded by lemon trees. Or perhaps she had made it all up inside her head. 


End file.
